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国外大学入学申请文件,8所常春藤名校全录取-实例范本

来源:沐晨留学网 2020-01-31

学英语难不难? 很难。但是多数人通常不会用这个当作申请常春藤名校的题材,你的写作重点应该是自己过去克服过什么困难? 过去的历??练让你成为一个怎样的人?

不论你的挫折是什么,想要打动  admissions commitee,你就得讲明白在这过程中到底得到了什么?整件事给了你什么启发?

说了很多,今天就放上一篇被8所常春藤名校全录取- 实例范本。

Cassandra Hsiao 的父亲是中国人,妈妈是马来西亚人,算是移民的第一代。Cassandra 把这一路的心路旅程,精心刻划出一篇作文打动常春藤名校!

哈佛大学(Harvard University) 
耶鲁大学(Yale University) 
布朗大学(Brown University) 
哥伦比亚大学(Columbia University) 
康乃尔大学(Cornell University) 
达特茅斯学院(Dartmouth College) 
宾夕法尼亚大学(University of Pennsylvania) 
普林斯顿大学( Princeton University)。

除此之外她还收到史丹佛大学、纽约大学、南加大、约翰霍普金斯大学、西北大学等名校的录取通知。

她的文章与录取的故事也在美国被大幅报导。

我放上她申请大学的essay 全文与大家分享。希望大家写文章时,能够跳脱以往的框架,好好聚焦在属于你自己的故事,才有胜出的机会。

By Cassandra Hsiao

In our house, English is not English. Not in the phonetic sense, like short a is for apple, but rather in the pronunciation – in our house, snake is snack. Words do not roll off our tongues correctly – yet I, who was pulled out of class to meet with language specialists, and my mother from Malaysia, who pronounces film as flim, understand each other perfectly.

(以故事开场,带出家里、学校的场景、并介绍妈妈出场)

In our house, there is no difference between cast and cash, which was why at a church retreat, people made fun of me for “cashing out demons.” I did not realize the glaring difference between the two Englishes until my teacher corrected my pronunciations of hammock, ladle, and siphon. Classmates laughed because I pronounce accept as except, success as sussess. I was in the Creative Writing conservatory, and yet words failed me when I needed them most.

(简短的描述学英文时遇到的困难)

Suddenly, understanding flower is flour wasn't enough. I rejected the English that had never seemed broken before, a language that had raised me and taught me everything I knew. Everybody else's parents spoke with accents smarting of Ph.Ds and university teaching positions . So why couldn't mine?

(道出心理的挫折与不平)

My mother spread her sunbaked hands and said, “This is where I came from,” spinning a tale with the English she had taught herself.

(穿插母亲的故事,引出真正的主轴)

When my mother moved from her village to a town in Malaysia, she had to learn a brand new language in middle school: English. In a time when humiliation was encouraged, my mother was defenseless against the cruel words spewing from the teacher, who criticized her paper in front of the class. When she began to cry, the class president stood up and said, “That's enough.”

“Be like that class president,” my mother said with tears in her eyes. The class president took her under her wing and patiently mended my mother's strands of language. “She stood up for the weak and used her words to fight back.”

(读到这里,你看出了这篇文章的真正主轴是什么吗?除了学英文很难,更是母亲的遭遇让她学习到什么)

We were both crying now. My mother asked me to teach her proper English so old white ladies at Target wouldn't laugh at her pronunciation. It has not been easy. There is a measure of guilt when I sew her letters together. Long vowels , double consonants — I am still learning myself. Sometimes I let the brokenness slide to spare her pride but perhaps I have hurt her more to spare mine.

As my mother's vocabulary began to grow, I mended my own English. Through performing poetry in front of 3000 at my school's Season Finale event, interviewing people from all walks of life, and writing stories for the stage, I stand against ignorance and become a voice for the homeless, the refugees, the ignored. With my words I fight against jeers pelted at an old Asian street performer on a New York subway. My mother's eyes are reflected in underprivileged ESL children who have so many stories to tell but do not know how. I fill them with words as they take needle and thread to make a tapestry.

(上面这两段,描述主角如何扭转她的语言障碍,与她的achievement:参加英文比赛、为弱势发声等等)

In our house, there is beauty in the way we speak to each other. In our house, language is not broken but rather bursting with emotion. We have built a house out of words. There are friendly snakes in the cupboard and snacks in the tank. It is a crooked house. It is a little messy. But this is where we have made our home.

     (结尾,以故事收尾,跟第一段的故事开头前后相呼应)

相比之下,你应该看出来了,写得太无聊、太制式又完全没有亮点的申请文件,就绝对不会被理想的学校录取。

大家加油!

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